Peace of Mind
by DayDream101
Summary: I'm supposed to write about them- I can't.      Katniss writes a Journal between the end of Mocking Jay and the epilogue. Can she find herself through writing? Or will she loose herself in her thoughts..
1. Chapter 1

A.N.- so this is pretty much Katniss keeping a journal between the last page of mockingjay and the epilogue ( Peeta hasn't come back yet but he will). The chapters will get longer and more interesting, but do you really think the Katniss would spill out all of her darkest emotions on a peace of paper the first couple of times she writes in her journal? anyways i give you Piece of Mind:) Enjoy!  
>Disclaimer: Sadly i am not Suzanne Collins:(:( If only...<p>Day 1:<p>

I Don't really know why I'm writing this, but then again i don't really know who i am anymore. Or better yet why I'm still here. Alone. Apparently this is supposed to make me feel better.

I don't. I'm supposed to write about them- I can't.

It's REALLY short, i know! Since it is so short i will try to update almost everyday:) Review!  
>-daydream <p>


	2. Chapter 2

Day: two

Today my Dr. called. I didn't answer. Part of me says the reason i don't answer is because I don't want any help, but the other part just simply says im a rebel. I guess once a rebel always a rebel. Am i still a rebel?

Rebels are people who try to defy the majority rule. Was that what i was doing? Defying the capitol?

It was what we said we were doing, or at least what they told me. Somewhere along the road I forgot what we were fighting for.

We were supposed to be fighting for freedom, but it seemed like the longer the we fought the more chains were enslaved to my wrists pulling me down more and more. Not only pulling me down, but my friends and family too.

And now here i am sharing my thoughts with a book.

Congratulations.

You will probably be the only one to hear these considering everyone I care for hates me. Which is why i have to resort to telling this to a book. I think i have officially gone crazy. 


	3. Chapter 3

Day 3:

I finally answered my doctors phone call today. I told him what i thought about the journal and how i think it is crazy. He told me that in early times lots of people kept journals and that it was a very common thing. I don't really care.

I know you probably hate me like everybody else does, but i have come to realize that you are the best friend i could ever ask for. I get to sit here and vent to you and you can't do anything about it.

For a while now i have been trying to think of a word to describe my life. It didn't come to me until this morning.

I had just woken up and i was laying in bed. My vision was still blurry, I slowly inhaled trying to regain my senses. My vision finally cleared and my muscles relaxed. I could smell a husky scent of cleaning solution from the kitchen and fresh rain from the open window in the corner.

I was about to get out of bed when i realized i was missing something. Sound.

I listened closely trying to hear anything and my mind came back empty handed. Nothing. I could hear nothing. Thats when the single word hit me like a brick wall.

Alone. I was alone.

So there you have it. I have yet again given one of my deepest thoughts to a book. i don't think i care anymore. As much as i hate it, the Dr. was right. I was wrong. In case you haven't noticed, you might want to remember me admitting that. It doesn't happen very often.

I think tommorow i am going to start dedicating each page to a person who was lost in the war.  
>Unfortunately yours,<br>Katniss 


	4. Chapter 4

Day:4

For some life is too short. People say they lived good lives, thats what they told me about her. how are you sure? How do you know? It's not fair how some people get longer lives than others. More gentle, happy lives filled with more than enough joyful memories.

How can you live with the burden of having to wrap up someone's life in a simple 5 word sentence?

Or better yet what am i supposed to say here?

Am i supposed to sit here and write about how much she was loved and how great her life was, because i can't.

I can't because her life wasn't great, and it was all because of me. I made her life full of worry and regret. I was overflowing with rage, too full of deadly anger to keep it all to myself. Not only did i spread it on her, but the rest of Panem too.

I wasn't strong enough to keep it to myself. I tried, i really did, but i was too shallow to keep it from tipping. He saw that. He used me in a way i never thought possible. He killed the love , the family, me, and even himself in the process.

He used the own venom that ran through my veins that kept me thriving. The liquid that made me survive, only to watch me fall in the end with everyone else.

In my eyes i killed her, that innocent girl. A life is worth more than that, and hers was too short.  
>Dedicated to Primrose Everdeen, my forever little duck. <p>


End file.
